Just 2 years ago, migraine was just a symptom cluster that patients presented to me with. I did my internship in a college that had a moderate patient load and we had a neurology consultant with us so the maximum exposure I had to it was :Pretty much worn out patients came to us and tablets were prescribed ,they were mostly recurring patients with a stockpile of prescription sheets and that was all I saw to it. Fast forward to the phase after internship and with the advent of Covid, I started to take online classes for 8 to 9 hours at a stretch.. Things were okay for a bit.. I was studying and my academic schedule was packed.. That's when it happened – I started having bouts of headaches.. At first, I attributed it largely to my sudden increase in screen time .. But then the headaches worsened.. The pain was just indescribable.. It was like a thousand hammers hitting on my head at the same time and no -The pain ain't the worst part. With so much pain came nausea and with nausea , I realised another new symptom. I had become super sensitive to all types of noises and each and every noise- be it family members talking /television operas running. With every phonophobia episode came nausea followed by vomiting…But time really waits for none, right? With all this came Neet pg 2021 also.. And every time I was putting qbanks /chasing deadlines with videos I discovered my newfound photophobia triggering more migraines… For every day of study, I spent a week suffering for the migraine that followed in the dark..
After numerous consultations, ruling out other causes, trying out different meds for my migraine and none of them working, the day came when I had to finally give the exam.. Did I really prepare… Yes.. But was it my best? No.. Because I could revise my notes only once… and many of my peers were soooooo ahead of me.. But I refused to let the fear of competition grip me.. I gave gts but my migraine hit me before I could review them back…But somewhere, somehow I had hope alive in me.. I refused to succumb to the 'Why me' toxic cycle.. I gave my exam loaded with painkillers beforehand but the nausea got the better of me – Controlling the need to vomit behind my masked face ( I had no time to go and vomit since I was running back on time .. I had to take ten minute breaks after every 50 questions to cull my headache down).. I gave the exam, sat back and waited for the results in the dark while my trials for different migraine meds were going on… And then the results arrived – I had secured 551 (8k rank range) .. But the result came on the day of a migraine episode and that’s when I truly let the despair consume me.. But, thankfully a few months later by this time I have had my LASIK done and another new med later, I am almost migraine free now.. Touchwood..
The purpose of putting this out here in public forum is to let you all know - during all this time that although I had pity and concern from my family- What I really longed for were a few words of encouragement… “You were strong enough this far and you will be able to make it through even beyond”- This- In my search for dark places of comfort to rest my aching head, comfort and understanding was what I searched for and what I did not get.. That’s when I realised, unless you are your own cheerleader, unless you pat your own back, unless you wake up in the morning -believing that this day will be a new one - monumental changes don’t really occur… In this really busy cray cray world ; being there for others is important, but also be there for your own self.. And for the ones who are prepping it out for the upcoming exams, I could do it because I really believed in myself and I was there for me… Be there for yourself.. Be kind to yourself… And in case no one told you this today – Smile, we all deserve a better day
To happiness, to health and to love,
Dr. Sri
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